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S.S. "CULVESTON,"Friday evening.
MY DEAR FATHER,- I do not propose to give you a description of Algiers, or, indeed, any of the ports at which we touch, as the same have been described by both abler exaggerators than myself who pay flying visits, and also, which is of far more importance, by people who have had time to study the various towns in question and have written them up thoroughly. Still, I think our method of studying the inhabitants was an excellerit one. We sat outside one of the cafe's in the shade, drank cold Bock beer, and allowed the populace to walk past us in procession. Presumably every nationality in the world supplied a representative in national costume for our inspection, except perhaps the Esquimaux, so that we had an interesting and instructive time. After sitting thus for iraif an hour, the American arrived with a guide-book, and we had to drive hini away with lumps of sugar, but promised to let him tell us about the things he had seen when we returned on board. Miss Snodgrass, the girl who was crying down my right sleeve as we left the docks, is keeping very fit, and does not appear to be affected by the heat. This is not the case with all the girls, however, one of whom is very fat, and the heat has given her skin the appearance of that of a bofled foW, Even her mother shuts her eyes when she kisses her daughter goodnight.
We also have a missionary on board, He is, at heart, a really good fellow, but so apologetic as to be a nuisance. He apologizes whenever he walks within five yards of one, when he sits down, and when he gets up. He begged everybody's pardon for being seasick. Yesterday he 'apologized to a sailor who accidentally tripped him up with the bight of a rope. The flabbergasted sheliback, however, mistook his action for sarcasm, and shuffled away swearing kstily. His wife is a dear little thing, but very timid, and I fear her life is hopelessly dtill. Yesterday three of us rounded her up in a corner of the deck and made her laugh till she writhed and emitted strange noises. To see this weary-eyed, usually silent little thing rolled up in a ball, unable to open her eyes, which were streaming with tears, and occa- sionally gurgling " Ooo-oooo-oh, dooon't I would have made a man laugh in a dentist's chair. Arbuthnot's story about the man who went to Covent Garden Ball arrayed in tin armour, and became accidentally "toxed" on account of having to drink whisky and soda by means of a straw passed through the slit in his helmet because he bad forgotten how to open the lid, made her scream; and when he came to the part where the reveller either fell or was pushed downstairs, and bent himself so badly that the joints of his armour refused tO work, and his subsequent adventures whilst in that condition up to the time when he bad to be "opened" with a tin-opener, she gave in and squirmed till her hair came down. What a subtly attractive sound is this unaffected, joyous music of a woman's laughter! To compare it to a peal of bells is a gross libel upon women in general that can be fully appreciated by any one who has lived near a church. Whilst she was lying back in SL state of abject, shaking helplessness, her husband arrived, and looked at her over his spectacles with an expression of blank amazement. He said, "My dear! My dear!" at which she waved one arm weaMy, replied "Ooo-ooo1" and wagged her head. Arbuthnot tried to clear the matter up by explaining that she had been telling us funny stories, which she strenuou~y tried to deny, but without avail. When we left them together her husband was looking at her over his spectacles in a state of speechless bewilderment, and she was resting a hand on his arm and making mouths at him in her endeavours to explain, without, however, getting any further than "Oooo-oooo." We have three more stories ready for her tomorrow, for we have registered a vow to alter the look in her eyes before she reaches Hong- kong and continues her disciplinary existence in continual dread of the world, the flesh, and the devil. Personally, I have never met the devil, but, wrong though I may be, I must confess that I have never yet had occasion to find serious fault with either the world or the flesh. If I were thoroughly disgrLrntled with both, however, I should keep quiet about it; for it is my firm belief that a man who goes about continually whining is of less use in the world than a nasty smell.
Nothing of sufficient importance to chronicle has occurred during the past three weeks, and I am afraid I shall have to carry you to China more quickly than I intended, for, to be candid, the sea air makes me as lazy as a man whose wife keeps a successful boarding-house, and talk- ing to Miss Snodgrass is a far more interesting occupation than writing letters. The trip has been most enjoyable, both the Captain-who, by the way, is alluded to as Long-fellow because he stood on the bridge at midnight -and the chief steward, " Gravy " (short for Mr. Gray), being, as is usually the case on passenger ships, thoroughly good fellows. The amount of irritating nonsense that captains and pursers of passenger steamers have to put up with is incredible, and they must be wonderfully gifted with politeness, cheerfulness, and good temper in order to get through the day without clubbing somebody to death. There is always an old gentleman amongst the passengers who has been used to having his newspaper warmed for him in the morning and his food exactly suited to his eccentricities and peculiarities, which latter have become petrified iflto changeless form by the flux of time. When the stewards serve him in accordance with the customs of the ship, he has great difficulty to prevent himself bursting out crying with rage. He storms and ramps with senfle decrepitude, uttering sophistical tirades in the cracked falsetto of dotish excitement. He is a nautical nuisance, who can be compared only whh the spoiled child on a voyage, who cadges cakes and sweets of which he subsequently relieves himself with noisy renunciation during the night. Again, there is the lady whose figure is far nearer perfection than her breeding, and whose physical attraction has trausported her from Poplar to Park Lane. She alludes to servants as "menials," and "keeps them in their place," because the line of demarcation between her s&f and servility is so faintly defined that it requires continuMly pointing out; for she is aware that she herself escaped drudgery only, as it were, by the skin of her shoulders.
I find that I shall just have time to jot down my impressions on approaching Shanghai. The first tangible sign that one is getting into touch with that land of mystery, China, is the appearance of the coast shipping. We passed quite close to a large junk crowded with Chinese, and a stranger contrivance it is difficult to image. Picture a great, lumbering hull, roughly built of very heavy hewn logs. The body is shaped like a punt with the stem and stern raised high out of the water, and is fitted with heavy lee-boards. This strange craft had five masts standing at varying angles out of the perpendicular, not one of them being fitted with stays or slirouds. Upon these masts were set very lofty rectangular sails, stretched upon cross battens of bamboo, presumably in order to prevent bellying, and controlled by dozens of cords, each one fastened to the after end of the sail battens. All of these cords were led toget-her into a single rope before reaching the steersman's hand. The sides forming the freeboard are carried well aft of the transom and rudderhead. On each side of the bow is painted an eye, in order to enable the junk to see where she is going, and on the stern, gaudy pictures of weird and hideous dragons. The repulsiveness of the latter must be designed to present the average Chinese countenance in a comparatively agreeable light. After examining the faces of several of the crew I was thankful that I saw the dragons first. The man who was steeriug possessed a physiognomy that resembled the human tace only vaguely. It was a kind of rude insinuation, or facial sneer aimed at the beauty of the human species. I can only describe it by saying that it would be utterly impossible for him to "make faces" at any one, this object being already attained for him by nature. Nothing that could be done to that face would make it worse-not even if one skinned it. In a spirit of idle curiosity I tried to imagine slight alterations to this end, but found that nature, or the man's mother, or both combined, had, in one supreme effort, concentrated all the superrative ugliness the world has ever contained or imagined, and worked it into that one devoted visage, given it life, and let it go, so that the world might see to what lengths ugliness can reach when the mighty forces of nature are brought.to bear with that one specific object, and thus encourage others to rest content with such beauty as bad fallen to their lot. Miss Snodgrass suggested that perhaps he had been frightened at birth. If his mother bears any resemblance to himself, Miss Snodgrass is most probably correct in her surmise. I shall never call any one ugly again. I next noticed what I took to be a yellow mud-hank ahead, but was informed by a resident of Shanghai, who had joined the ship at Hong- kong, that this was the river water. There is a distinct and dearly defined line which ebbs and flows with the tide, but never breaks up. This does not augur well for the drainage of a densely populated district. Shanghai lies some distance up the Whangpoo River, which is broad, turbid, and unbeautiful. Anchored just inside the mouth of this muddy stream are several war junks, armed with a brass cannon apiece, resembling somewhat those used at the Battle of Trafalgar, after due Mlowance is made for the fact that they are not so modern. A Maxim gun in a Thames skiff wou]d put one of these fighting machines out of action in two or three minutes. Our vessel steamed quite close to one of the banks of the river, so that I could see the Chinese at work in their fields. The land is extremely fertile, intersected with creeks, and cultivated mostly in patches. Every foot is under either crops or corpses. I have always been under the impression that the Chinese worship their ancestors, but fail to understand how any one can worship a man and use him for manure as well. Human remains are not buried; they are laid on the surface and sometimes, but not always, covered with earth. I saw several coffins covered with straw only. The land on each side of the river lies perfectly flat, and very little above water-level. As one approaches Shanghai the banks on each side are lined with wharves and warehouses untfl the Bund is reached. The Bund consists of a fine road parallel tothe river, and upon the waterside of this thoroughfare a succession of lawns is laid out, having a public garden with bandstand at the approach end. On the opposite banic are more wharves and a factory or two. Adjoining the foreign settlements and further up the river is the walled Native City. All these things, and more also, will I describe to thee later, when I have seen them properly. Whilst I was waiting to go ashore, a China-man with a face like a rag doll that has been left out in the garden in the rain came up to me and said:- "You wanchee catchee Shanghai money? suppose you wanchee, my can do." He looked at me patiently, and explained: "Suppose you go shoreside, follin money alle-same no use. You pay my follin money, my pay you China money all plopper. Can?"
"Can what?" I enquired. "Why on earth don't you talk longhand?" Then it occurred to me that this hollow-chested, disreputable yellow degenerate, with a dirty scalp and a pair of pants the seat of which flapped about his knees, not only had the right to call, but actually was caUing me a foreigner, and it was borne in upon me that I was indeed a stranger in a strange land. I afterwards discovered that I had been paid sixty cents short, and had received two brass dollars and four bad twenty-cent pieces. The worst aspect of the affair is that I shall never be able to recognize the animal again, because all Chinese are exactly alike, except the steers- man I saw in the junk as we came in. Will write you more fully when I am setfled down ashore.
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