Unexpurgated Diary of a Shanghai Baby Chapter 9 CHAPTER 9 In Which the Baby is First Introduced to Mr. Henli Regatta...Mama Brings Happiness to the American Navy ... The Baby Goes on Spree at Theater and Mah-Jongg Party.. Peanuts as an Infant Diet. MAY twentieth - Too many clothes for weather. With amah would dress me like Auntie. Had nap upstairs while coolie tried mama's cold cream on complexion. Amah caught him. Told him he should be ashamed to take mama's things and that anyway she had seen bottle first. Coolie came back later and took drink of mama's florida water. Seemed very happy. Much Chinese music. Wish they'd let me have nap, as being baby in Shanghai is not easy job. May twentieth - Auntie excited at tiffin, as black cat had crossed path. Asked papa if he believed in signs. "Not in Shanghai," said papa. "I waited for fifteen minutes for a tram this morning at a place called a 'Request Stop.' Next time I'll send my request in five days in advance and get the seal of the Minister of Communications in Peking." Auntie said she didn't mean that kind of signs, but wanted to know if black cat had any connection with bad luck. Papa said it often did, as he had caught cook's cat drinking cream several times and it had always meant bad luck for the cat. Mama said that upstairs coolie had broken shaving mirror that morning, as he seemed excited and was working in hurry to go away to Chinese funeral. Papa said that if he wasn't more careful he would soon go to another one, only nobody would expect him to light joss sticks. No more conversation about coolie, as papa stopped to tell houseboy that though he was fond of soup, he didn't like it on collar-bone. May twentieth - later - Went out for jaunt in perambulator with amah. Amah very good chauffeur. Pushes ricsha coolies out of way with conversation. Saw Jap baby in front of bath-house and hoped He would get lots of soap in mouth. Later passed Auntie and girl friend, but was cut dead. Hate these social distinctions. May twenty-first - Nice day. Auntie busy getting new clothes to wear Sunday when she goes to see somebody called Henli Regatta. Don't know Henli. Must be new friend. Auntie said all ready-made clothes she had tried on fitted like an Underwood typewriter cover on a Corona. Mama told her she should be careful not to speak of typewriters, as it wouldn't do to let Shanghai people know that she had had job in office of coal and feed store at home. "I've been introducing you as somebody with money, and you ought to help out in the impression," mama said. "Haven't I been trying to?" asked Auntie. "I write all my letters on Astor House stationery and when I am Pit a tea, I always call up on the telephone to find out why my car hasn't come." Mama remarked that when next door girl said she couldn't bear to be dictated to Auntie spilled beans by saying that she couldn't either, unless the boss spoke very slowly. Surprised to hear of Auntie spilling beans, as had never seen her in kitchen. May twenty-first - later - Papa came home for afternoon. Mama told him that if family was going to Tsingtao, he would have to go down to American Consulate and get a passport. "The trouble is that if I go to American Consulate, I'll also have to pay my income tax and I haven't seen anything coming in except shroffs," said papa. Mama remarked that it would probably be pretty hard for papa to figure up his income, and papa said no, It wouldn't, as all he would have to do would be to add up what mama had spent. No more conversation for a while, but afterwards papa said that he would have to stay in town during part of summer and play tag with mosquitoes. "I hope you'll promise not to take more than one cocktail at a time while we're away," mama remarked. Papa said that would be easy, as he always found it awkward to lift two glasses at once. It will be rather hard to take the baby up to Tsingtao," said mama. "Why not put him in mothballs with the furs?" papa inquired. No answer from mama. May twenty-first - Couldn't go to Hongkew this afternoon as park is busy holding sailors. Mama told papa that she was going to picnic and would bring enough food for five navy men. "You'd better hire half a dozen ricshas," said papa. "The cargo capacity of the American navy is the highest in the world." Mama said she was taking macaroons and heart- shaped sandwiches, also mint candies. Papa remarked that on that diet, the U. S. Navy would soon be in shape to win a push-ball contest from Montenegro. Mama said that she hoped she would be asked to help decide male beauty contest, as she was a competent judge of handsome men. "Yes," said papa. "You surely gave me a life sentence at hard labor." Mama told papa that he had wrong impression and had probably gotten it by shaving in front of Auntie's picture of Francis Bushman since coolie broke mirror. May twenty second-Nobody home today. All gone to see Henli regatta. Family left in hurry this morning after Auntie changed dress four times and complexion twice. Auntie said she had put on medium tint, and papa said that described it, as it was certainly neither rare nor well done. Mama remarked that she lets her color come and go, and papa answered yes, that it comes on in the morning and goes off at night. "It's too bad we didn't get an invitation to go on a houseboat," said mama. Papa said that the boats were very crowded and that they would have had as much privacy as an elephant in zoo, also that he would probably be expected to sleep on hatch. Auntie finally said she was going to wear a fluffy summer girl's costume, and papa remarked that it would probably be all right as long as the fluffy summer didn't catch her in it. Family went out at last and banged door, after Auntie came back twice to put more powder on nose and once to put perfume behind ear. Heard papa say that it was a shame to waste two good bottles on pickles but mama told him to stop talking and call a car. "The kind of car this family is going to travel in passes the corner every five minutes without being called," said papa. Mama said that he was as tight with his money as Auntie's new shoes, but papa said that all he had left after buying railroad tickets was a dollar with copper filling and he was saying that for church. May twenty-second - Pleasant day. Houseboy, cook, coolie, and relations having game on dining-room table with family's mah-jong set. Amah trying on papa's silk socks left by houseboy. Amah's sister making self useful by sewing china buttons on papa's dress shirt. Upstairs coolie enjoying florida water. Will probably have to squall to get chow. May twenty-second - Had exciting time this afternoon, as after mah-jong party everybody went to Chinese theater. Was taken by amah. Had interesting time trying to dodge hot towels thrown from aisles and empty water - melon seeds falling from gallery. Music combination of cook stepping on cat's tail and houseboy breaking dishes. Had seed candy and two peanuts. Had to swallow peanuts all in one piece as found that new teeth don't hit. All content is copyright unless otherwise indicated