Unexpurgated Diary of a Shanghai Baby Chapter 6 CHAPTER 6 In Which the Baby, Hears about the Carlton and Proposals...Papa Tries Going in a Pool...Auntie has Idea for Safe and Sane Bet. ..Bridge as a Means of Promoting Harmony. APRIL twenty-ninth - Not much doing today. Spent part of morning in basement, hearing coolie play music on Chinese fiddle. Very good noise. Couldn't do better myself. April twenty-ninth - Auntie, upset today because she heard Bertie was going with girl in Frenchtown. Papa asked if Auntie had ever seen her. "Yes, she was at the Carlton the other night," said Auntie. .'She was the one who didn't have enough clothes on and who danced so funny." "You don't expect me to pick her out from that, do you?" asked papa. "The description fits ninety percent of the women there." Auntie said she thought girl's dress was old-fashioned. "Most of them were dressed from the waist up in the most old-fashioned clothes there are," said papa. Auntie said she thought papa was impolite and remarked that anyway she didn't care about Bertie, as there were plenty Of other men." A man proposed to me on the boat coming over," said Auntie. "What was the matter with him?" asked papa, "Was he seasick?" "He was nothing of the sort," said Auntie, with mad edge in voice. "He asked me to marry him the third day out." "I'll bet he didn't say it loud enough for you to hear him," said papa, eating 205th salted peanut. Auntie said that anyway she knew Cyril was in love with her, as she could tell by the way he looked at her when she wasn't looking at him. Papa told her that her periscope seemed to be in Pretty good working order, but that she ought to be careful not to get a kink in her neck. April thirtieth - Pleasant day. Amah, cook, houseboy, and coolie excited about something called sweep-stake, Nobody paid much attention to me, but not sorry as had found can of syrup that oozed at top. "I'm going in a Pool with the follows at the office," said papa, coming in for tiffin. "Isn't it rather 'early for swimming?" asked mama, looking up from Ladies Home Journal. Papa started to say something, but stopped and remarked that yes, it was, but this time he was hoping to pick up a little seaweed. Wish he'd give some to me, as would like to see if it is good to try on new tooth. May first. - Not much doing today. Sat in dining-room for awhile trying to lick color off of red and blue round things which I found on floor. Color didn't come off very well. Later stayed in kitchen with amah while cook was fixing tiffin. Cook's cat took piece of fish from shelf and began to eat it on floor. Cook took fish away from cat and put it on frying pan. Was surprised cat was hungry, as had heard papa tell friend that he had sat up most of the night feeding the kitty. May first. - Mama cross at tiffin. Told papa that the lowbrow friends he met at the club had no place in a proper home. "That tall one who just came out from the States is round-shouldered from getting in and out of patrol-wagons, " said mama. Papa said that some of mama's friends were not so many laps ahead and that stout lady was so uncultured that she thought "The Lays of Ancient Rome" had something to do with eggs. "Besides, she's so fat that she has to ride around in two ricshas," papa remarked. No more noise during tiffin. May second. - Rain. Stayed home and heard coolie play fiddle. Mama said that the only thing worse than man learning to play cornet was man learning to play Chinese musical instrument. "The trouble is you never can tell when they've learned," said papa. Hope coolie doesn't get into habit, as family couldn't tell difference in case I wanted to squall for something. May second. - Papa didn't go to office this afternoon on account of races. Asked Auntie if she wanted to put up a bet. "Will they give me my money back in case my horse doesn't win?" Auntie inquired. "Of course," said papa. "Do you think they would be mean enough to keep it?" Auntie said that she had read a lot about race-course sharks and wanted to be careful. May second. - Still raining. Nothing to do but stay home with wooden elephant and watch coolie sweep dust under living-room lounge. Papa came home later, and mama asked him if his favorite had won. "That horse was so slow coming in that the judges thought he was winning the next race," said papa, pulling off gloves with unpleasant look. "He certainly was one poor runner." "How much did it cost you to find that out?" asked mama, but papa had started upstairs to get money out of mama's purse for ricsha man. May third. - Sat in dining-room and heard family talk about bridge they. had gone to at place called Columbia Country Club. Papa remarked that the family scores, taken together, about equalled the number of votes a cross-eyed girl would get in a beauty-contest. "It's too bad we didn't play mah-jong instead," said mania. "We might have won the mah-jong set.", "Yes," papa answered, "Think of all the fun the baby could have had swallowing the counters." Papa said after a moment that he always had been keen about bridge. "I love the sprightly conversation that goes during a bridge game and the kindly looks that are exchanged among the players," papa remarked. "I am also fond of the lady who holds a coroner's inquest over every hand and digs back 13 tricks to call you to time for not having led the fourth best of your strongest suit. The only time I'm happy playing bridge is when I'm the dummy," "That's because you feel so natural," said mama. Papa started to say something, but began to whistle "Kiss Me Again" and went out to office. May third - Family all worked up at tiffin because I said "Daddy," Nothing to get excited over, as have been saying it for past month. Only trouble is that family never listens to me. May third - later - Auntie went out to races with Cyril. Came home afterwards and Papa asked her how she had liked them. "Oh, they were fine," said Auntie. "I saw the cutest duvtyn dress cut Directoire, and a perfectly stunning lavender raincoat with a white rubber flower on the hat." "But who won the races?" asked papa. "Oh, a lot of horses," said Auntie, pulling out hatpin. "I don't know their names." Papa said that if Auntie went to an execution, she probably wouldn't know if the man was being shot for stealing jade or for passing another automobile on Nanking Road. All content is copyright unless otherwise indicated