Unexpurgated Diary of a Shanghai Baby Chapter 5 CHAPTER 5 In Which the Baby Finds That a Dinner Party Takes as Much Preparation as a Battle and is About the Same Thing in the End.. The Diplomatic House-Boy Gets a Line on the Taipan's Dinner Clothes.. ..Papa's Friend Believes in Preparedness. APRIL twenty-fifth - Went out calling on amah's third cousin who lives on little street near Nanzing Road. Perfumes very unusual. Not a bit like mama's talcum. Don't remember much of visit, as went to sleep on bed with Chinese baby getting over mumps. Later amah let me drink tea from her cup and gave me piece of fried dumpling. Pleasant morning. April twenty - sixth - Nobody paying any attention to me today. Everybody getting ready for taipan's dinner. Amah busy making red paper frills. Mama busy making place cards. Cook busy making menu. Auntie busy making complexion. Houseboy busy making trouble. Hope they don't forget my chow. April twenty-sixth - later - Papa came home to tiffin and brought fresh lettuce. "It's perfectly safe," he said "One of the men in the office grew it in his own garden." "I'm so glad," said mama. "I'm as hungry for lettuce as a rabbit. I'll send it right down to the cook to get ready for tonight." Sat in kitchen later while amah tried on Paris garters she had found in papa's bureau drawer. Had interesting time watching cook blow mouthfuls of water on sanitary lettuce to keep it fresh. April twenty-sixth - Still sitting in living-room. Family forgot to have me put to bed. Table all ready for taipan's party. Mama called downstairs to papa and asked him what he was doing. "Reading a love-story in the Municipal Gazette." said papa. "Can't I sit down for five minutes without giving an account of myself?" "Go in the dining-room and compare the place-cards with the initials on the knives and forks," said Mama. "The houseboy borrowed from all over so as not to have dish-washing between courses and I want to make sure that nobody gets his own silver." Mama said later that she had decided upon everything except the person who was to sit on papa's left. "Well, don't go and pick out a century - plant," said papa, taking salted peanut from red paper dish. "The last one you put me next to remembered the inauguration of Lincoln." Squalled at this point and was taken upstairs, but couldn't sleep anyway on account of noise. Heard papa ask mama what had become of his pearl studs. "I gave them to the baby for cough-drops," said mama, with unpleasant look in voice. Papa said all right, that she didn't need to tell him if she didn't want to, but if he didn't find them he would wear my safety pins. April twenty-sixth - last bulletin - Papa wondering if taipan would wear evening suit or dinner coat. "If he wears a dress suit, I don't want to show up in a dinner coat, and if he comes in a dinner coat, I don't want to put something over on him by wearing an evening suit," said papa. Mama said he might send the houseboy over to ask taipan's houseboy what his master was putting on. "I'm afraid he'd tip it off to the taipan," said papa. Mama said she didn't think so, and that anyway the Orientals have a grand reputation for diplomacy. Houseboy went, but came back pretty soon. Told papa that other master sent compliments and said he would wear evening dress and that his wife was going to wear low-necked purple gown with pearl necklace. Did not catch papa's remark, but heard shoe falling downstairs after houseboy. Sometime when feeling good, I will get even with family by squalling all night. April twenty-seventh - Everybody cross today after taipan's dinner. Papa said party would have been a success if houseboy had not served dinner from behind heavy garlic barrage. Mama said it was papa's fault for telling story he had heard at club and for spearing olives with fork. Auntie cross because Bertie led her aside to say something special and then asked her for piece of baby-ribbon to tie up his lampshade. Cook cross because people ate so much that he had nothing left over for cousins. Family living today on salted peanuts, fudge, and ripe olives. Glad we don't have dinners often. April twenty-eighth - Had interesting morning sitting on living-room floor and trying new tooth on carved wood screen. Heard mama remark that she had met papa's friend and that he looked as if he were going to be best man at a hanging. "He is upset because he is going home on the Golden State," said papa. He is afraid his suitcases will leak. "Is the Golden State going to be dry?" asked mama. "Theoretically, yes," said papa, "but thus far there have been 103 more tons of baggage than freight shipped on board, and practically all of it would splash if roughly handled." "But won't they be caught by the Department of Justice when they land in San Francisco?" asked mama. "Oh, no," said papa. "By the time they reach San Francisco, it will be a case for the Department of the Interior." Spent part of afternoon sitting in pen on porch and hearing mama tell the neighbor lady that her hair had come out something terrible since living in Shanghai and that pretty soon she would not have enough for sidepuffs. April twenty-eighth - Papa came home later feeling very happy, and said that he had seen friend off on Golden State. "He must have unpacked his suit-cases rather soon," mama remarked. "Oh no," said papa, looking at self in glass. "All the Elijahs who tried to protect themselves against the drought will have a lot more than a little, oil. They put a bar on at Hongkong." Mama said that she was glad there was a place where papa's friend could settle down with his knitting and feel at home. All content is copyright unless otherwise indicated