Unexpurgated Diary of a Shanghai Baby Chapter 4 CHAPTER 4 In Which the Baby Hears a Conversation on Art or She is Daubed .... Later Observer the Chinese Art of Squeeze... Indications of Gentle Spring in the Far East...Why Caesar crossed the Rubicon. APRIL twentieth. - Mama received picture from America, which she said Aunt Mary sent her for anniversary present. "Isn't it a wonderful work of art?" said mama, showing it to papa. "It surely is," said papa, turning frame, "Which way do you look at it?" "It's a view of the sun setting behind waves," said mama, snatching it away. "Oh, is it?" asked papa. "I thought it was a ripe tomato rising above a sheaf of lettuce leaves." Mama said papa had no appreciation of art, and papa said that he had and could prove it by bringing home picture which friend had just given him called "Nymph Among the Flowers." "I'm not sure we would want that in our home," mama answered.... "Oh, it's perfectly O.K.," papa said. "It was done after the Futurist School and might just as well have been entitled, 'Electrical Buzz Saw in Action.' Family stopped talking about pictures, as washman come just then and mama wanted to know why all family linen had changed initials in last five days. April twenty-first. - Pleasant weather. Sat on porch with wooden elephant and watched our coolie cut flowers from next-door garden. Later coolie came in and collected twenty cents from mama to pay flower-man. Just wait until I can talk. April twenty-first. - Auntie said at tiffin today that she was going to tea-dance with new man named Cyril. "Everybody says that he is a wonderful dancer," said Auntie, "He has made a name for himself." "He has made several names for himself, and he uses them when he signs chits," said papa. "I think you are too mean for words," said Auntie, struggling to cut chop. "Well," said papa, "I wouldn't pin too much faith to a wonderful dancer. You can't eat a foxtrot." Mama said it was a good thing young men in town had the habit of hiring cars, as a girl couldn't make much progress otherwise on account of ricshas being so unsociable. "They ought to build them tandem," said papa. When family stopped talking about ricshas, papa remarked that mama ought to tell the cook not to buy any more Peking camels, as he had blisters on his hands from trying to cut the meat. April twenty-first. - Nice afternoon. Went out with amah in perambulator. Saw fresh Jap baby on Jap amah's back. Looked very foolish. Glad I don't have to wear kimono in street. April twenty-first. - Came home later and saw Cyril arrive to take Auntie to tea dance. Neighbor lady also calling. "Isn't Shanghai just too cosmopolitan for anything?" said Auntie, sitting on edge of chair and starting conversation. Didn't hear more, as mama remarked to neighbor lady that amah had kept me out a long time that afternoon, but that she didn't mind because the fresh air did me good. Amah didn't say that we spent afternoon with other amahs in moving-picture show, seeing fine film of lady tied to railroad track by gentleman. April twenty-second. - Nice day. Mama took accounts with cook this morning, and when papa came home at noon she showed him grocery bill. "Do you think we could have eaten as much as that?" she said. "Not unless we kept an orphan asylum," said papa, reading total. "He must have added in the average annual rainfall and the gross tonnage of the Empress of Asia." "We'd better not be too hard on him," said mama, "Maybe we do eat more than we realize. Only this morning he showed me that the coffee can was empty again." Guess cook didn't mention dipping out of can every day to fill two other cans on shelf. Probably amah will keep me out of kitchen when family begins to understand my language. April twenty - third. - Raining. Mama and papa talked at breakfast about dinner they will give next week for taipan. Mama said that they will have to invite one more man and suggested friend in mess. "I've heard people say that he's pretty good in a party," said mama. "He is in some ways but I've noticed that when the chits come around, he always gets writers' cramp," said papa. Mama said that they would have to ask him, as there wasn't much time left, and that she would send coolie over with note. "If you're in a hurry, you'd better mail it," said papa, starting for office. Mama went out herself soon afterwards, because she told Auntie that she was going to try to find a spring hat under fifty dollars that didn't look as if it had gone through the Kansu earthquake. April twenty-third. - (afternoon) -Still raining in afternoon. Lady who writes poetry called after tiffin and asked papa if he had observed the evidences of spring. "Yes," said papa, "I've noticed that all the drugstores have taken in the cold remedies and are featuring the cholera cures." "Haven't you observed other indications ?" asked lady, looking disappointed. "The ricsha coolies are taking off more clothes," said papa. "But surely you feel a thrill of happiness because Winter is over," lady said. "Doesn't it mean something to you. 'It means something to me, but it doesn't give me a thrill of happiness," papa answered, "It means that pretty soon I'11 have to wear a monkey-jacket, and every time I put one on, I feel that I ought to pick up the card-tray and page somebody." Mama came downstairs just then, and papa sneaked out toward Race Course. Wish he'd take me some time. Tired of going to park and hearing amahs talk about new family that just moved to Frenchtown. April twenty-fourth - Sunday, sat on floor in living room and heard family talk about next-door automobile. "I wish we had a car," said mama, looking out window. "Why?" asked papa. "We don't know anybody in Woosung." "There are plenty of places to go besides Woosung," said mama. "No place that I know except the Rubicon," said papa, "and I've been around that so many times that I don't wonder Julius Caesar got impatient and crossed it instead." "It isn't so much a question of where you can go as the impression a motor car makes on members of the community," mama answered. Papa said yes, that most cars did make impressions on members of the community, but they were usually made on Chinese members that didn't jump fast enough. Mama picked up fashion-paper and turned leaves with rattle. April twenty-fourth - later - Had pleasant nap upstairs, but woke up later and saw coolie trying on mama's new spring hat before mirror. I'd just like to catch him putting on my bonnet! All content is copyright unless otherwise indicated