Unexpurgated Diary of a Shanghai Baby Chapter 2 CHAPTER 2. In which the Baby Observe Family Life on Sunday Afternoon.....He Discovers That He Takes After Both Relations...The Mandarin Coat as a souvenir...First Battle in the Nippon-Baby War...The Mystery of the Shattered China APRIL tenth - Sunday again. Like Sunday because there are so many papers on the floor for me to rattle, though family won't let me stay in living room very long. Tailor came this morning with new dress, and mama told papa that the Chinese have a genius for higher mathematics because they can take seven yards of georgette crepe, make a five-yard dress and have nothing left over. Papa said, "Uh-huh," and turned over the page of his pink sheet to see what Jiggs was doing. "Look at baby with the newspaper," said Auntie, "Pretty soon he will be reading the comics." "Yes," said mama, "If he can ever get them away from his dad." Papa is still reading pictures. Guess I'll play with the Want Ad. section. April tenth. Still Sunday. Auntie put record on phonograph and began to practice new dance. "I'll have to learn all the latest side-steps," said Auntie, "Dancing is getting more complicated than ever. Every little movement seems to have a meaning of its own." "Yes," said papa, "And if some of the meanings were translated into words, they couldn't be sent through the mails. I've certainly seen some weird dancing in this town." "Have you?" said mama looking interested, "I suppose you'll see some more of it when Ethel and I and the baby go away for the summer." "Well," said papa, "the houseboy is a good fellow and he and I have many things in common, including my tobacco and silk socks, but that doesn't mean that I'm coming home early every evening you're away to play tiddledewinks with him." Mama went out and banged door. Through with papers. Wish amah would come upstairs and bring me my wooden elephant. Want bite on back tooth. April tenth - Sat on dining room floor during tiffin, as amah was busy in basement telling next-door amah all about Auntie's dates, Bertie, and mama's new dress. Papa said that if the houseboy didn't learn that he wanted to eat the food and not merely look at it, he was going to chain down the plates. He doesn't let a course pause in front of me any longer than the deacon halts the hat when taking up a collection at church," said papa. "Maybe he is fussed because you are here," said mama, "He is not very fond of strangers." "Well, if that cook was as good a performer on the kitchen range as he is on the Chinese piccolo, I wouldn't eat so many meals away from home," papa said. I started to tell them a little later that I wanted amah to come upstairs and give me some Chow. "Listen to baby," mama said, "Isn't it funny how he talks all the time without saying anything?" "I always said he took after you," said papa, reaching for hat and diving toward door. "I'm not the only member of the family he takes after," mama shouted down the hall, "Have you ever noticed how fond he is of his bottle?" Papa shut front door hard and went down street. April tenth - Sunday afternoon. New man called to take Auntie to a place they called the Golden State. "Who is that infant I saw Ethel going out with?" said papa, coming in just after they left. "Has she taken to teaching a kindergarten class?" "He is no infant," said mama, "He was in the war two years and was wounded twice." "I didn't know they mobilised the Boy Scouts," said papa, picking up the paper again. Didn't hear any more because amah carried me off to take a nap. April eleventh - Still raining some. Sat in basement while next-door amah told our amah all about the girl in her house. Didn't pay much attention, as was busy watching coolie wash his clothes with mamas perfumed complexion soap. Other amah went home bye and bye and our amah cracked some watermelon seeds for me. Pleasant morning. April eleventh - Mama told papa at tiffin that she had gotten a letter from Aunt Lucy at home, asking her to send two or three Mandarin coats as souvenirs of China. "Did she send a check with her little request?" papa asked. "Not so you could notice it mama answered, shaking letter. "They never do," said papa, "People at home seem to think that all you have to do in China to get a Mandarin coat is to bait a trap with some chop suey and wait for a Mandarin to walk into it. Are you going to send her any?" "No," said mama, "I've decided to wait until she goes to France this summer and then ask her to send me two or three little frocks from the Rue de la Paix as souvenirs of Paris." "That's the stuff," said papa. April eleventh - later - Wish the rain would stop. Want to go out to Hongkew Park and settle things with that fresh Jap baby. April twelfth - Feeling fine today. Amah parked my perambulator next to fresh Jap baby's in Hongkew Park, then went off to talk to Chinese policeman. Jap baby made face at me and tried to grab wooden elephant. First threw wooden elephant on ground out of reach, then leaned over and took Jap baby's bean-cake. Later reached for black hair and got some. Amah came back, picked up elephant, and wheeled me away. Who said Jap babies never bawl? April twelfth - (later) - Family more stupid than ever. Amah set me in bathroom this morning while she went for clean clothes, as I had spilled Jap bean-cake on dress. Saw upstairs coolie cleaning corners of wash-stand with mama's tooth-brush. Squalled to call family. Mama came upstairs and asked amah if safety-pin was sticking me. No hope of getting across any real ideas in this house. Had pleasant nap later still holding black hair. April thirteenth - Fair and warmer. Sat on porch today and watched new gardener pull up flowers and leave weeds. Papa said that Summer was coming and that he was going to hide his palm beach trousers before the amah kidnapped them to wear as part her summer sports costume. Nothing else happening except another new tooth in northwest corner of mouth. Wish I could try it out on Jap baby. April fourteenth - Weather still good. Mama told papa at tiffin that amah said next door man on right was going to the States. "Zat so?" said papa, telling boy to bring soup chop-chop. "His sole will be missed by every brass rail in Shanghai. There'll be lots of moaning at the bar when he puts out to sea." Mama said that his friends held a farewell party at his house last night and that all the chinaware had been broken. "Judging from his complexion this morning, they drank his farewell toast in Ningpo varnish," said papa. "He'll have to behave for awhile anyway, as he's going on an American liner and the only wet thing around the boat will be the ocean," mama replied. "He certainly is a wild character. It served him right to have all his chinaware broken." Tried to tell family that next door houseboy had borrowed our China for party, but mama told amah to take me out as I was making too much noise. April fifteenth - Mama found out about China today. Very angry. Papa said that if mama would look into the kitchen once in awhile, these things wouldn't happen. Mama said she stayed out of the kitchen as much as possible, because every time she went in, she found out something she didn't want to know. "Last time I dropped in, I saw the cook filling the chow water bottles from the kitchen faucet," mama said. Houseboy says that he will make up loss by borrowing china from houses where his relations work. Mama remarked that she would, like to sack houseboy, but papa said never mind, as he is going to be married next week and will be punished enough. April fifteenth - (later) - Tried out new tooth on hard cake amah bought from street hawker. Seems to be working well. Nobody else has noticed it, though. Wanted to call auntie's attention to it, but she was too busy talking to papa. Auntie was saying that she would like to invite Bertie to dinner. "He doesn't have much chance to see home-life," Auntie said, "He lives in a mess." "I don't doubt it," said papa, "He generally looks like one." Auntie said papa didn't appreciate Bertie, as he was very clever and was a great student of botany. "I noticed that he was interested in grasswidows," papa said. "You don't know what a big soul he has, or you wouldn't say such things," said Auntie, beginning to cry. "Don't I though," said papa, "I'll bet he wears number elevens." Can't make anybody pay attention to tooth. Have thought some of squalling, but what is the use? They would only undress me to look for safety-pins. All content is copyright unless otherwise indicated